I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
