I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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