I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
