He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
