I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE