Texts From Last Night

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  (805): View more from California

  I just tipped a bartender in xanax.

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  (805): I just tipped a bartender in xanax. http://tfl.nu/pn9d
  Replies (16) Good night (3359) Bad night (637)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.

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  (719): then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime. http://tfl.nu/to8a
  Replies (7) Good night (4339) Bad night (959)
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  (916): View more from California

  You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..

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  (916): You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you.. http://tfl.nu/8fyi
  Replies (24) Good night (1030) Bad night (9354)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.

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  (647): im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old. http://tfl.nu/1v3o
  Replies (20) Good night (727) Bad night (3020)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.

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  (512): He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone. http://tfl.nu/7h78
  Replies (8) Good night (998) Bad night (3169)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.

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  (901): I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko. http://tfl.nu/cca0
  Replies (8) Good night (3068) Bad night (1108)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.

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  (570): Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal. http://tfl.nu/4lbo
  Replies (6) Good night (1042) Bad night (2124)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.

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  (402): I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted. http://tfl.nu/yox0
  Replies (27) Good night (8209) Bad night (1350)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.

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  (203): no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini. http://tfl.nu/ao12
  Replies (15) Good night (1112) Bad night (4679)
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.

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  (478): I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second. http://tfl.nu/3zb1
  Replies (2) Good night (1114) Bad night (580)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself

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  (406): I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself http://tfl.nu/7ngm
  Replies (13) Good night (2555) Bad night (889)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"

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  (908): When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!" http://tfl.nu/ui55
  Replies (4) Good night (1370) Bad night (443)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.

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  (313): I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION. http://tfl.nu/w75i
  Replies (8) Good night (621) Bad night (353)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?

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  (541): I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night? http://tfl.nu/w38g
  Replies (2) Good night (678) Bad night (328)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.

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  (919): Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season. http://tfl.nu/m7ze
  Replies (2) Good night (663) Bad night (202)

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