hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.