I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.