even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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