Texts From Last Night

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  (646): View more from New York

  i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation

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  (646): i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation http://tfl.nu/0879
  Replies (14) Good night (1870) Bad night (5019)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?

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  (701): does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat? http://tfl.nu/hd1u
  Replies (56) Good night (7145) Bad night (2257)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.

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  (860): I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax. http://tfl.nu/od6q
  Replies (11) Good night (882) Bad night (2803)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.

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  (423): no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet. http://tfl.nu/ph90
  Replies (10) Good night (2909) Bad night (1312)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.

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  (919): Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side. http://tfl.nu/vqy8
  Replies (6) Good night (2997) Bad night (685)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.

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  (813): So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges. http://tfl.nu/t5l6
  Replies (6) Good night (1779) Bad night (586)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?

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  (778): We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in? http://tfl.nu/nu3d
  Replies (11) Good night (1258) Bad night (3082)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.

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  (208): Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex. http://tfl.nu/ah09
  Replies (3) Good night (1383) Bad night (956)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Challenge accepted

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  (610): The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar (614): Challenge accepted http://tfl.nu/nyy2
  Replies (3) Good night (895) Bad night (433)
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  (805): View more from California

  It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!

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  (805): It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT! http://tfl.nu/78gh
  Replies (5) Good night (1514) Bad night (628)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?

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  (586): Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right? http://tfl.nu/hfcq
  Replies (2) Good night (577) Bad night (455)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater

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  (434): You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater http://tfl.nu/8eoi
  Replies (6) Good night (994) Bad night (370)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer

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  (724): She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer http://tfl.nu/pgrt
  Replies (5) Good night (355) Bad night (1054)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.

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  (303): And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond. http://tfl.nu/d9ej
  Replies (2) Good night (603) Bad night (352)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!

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  (519): Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night! http://tfl.nu/q7p9
  Replies (1) Good night (796) Bad night (503)

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