U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You took a bar mat shot.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment