Texts From Last Night

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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.

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  (919): The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day. http://tfl.nu/2twt
  Replies (38) Good night (17414) Bad night (1596)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities

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  (804): I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities http://tfl.nu/vh2c
  Replies (16) Good night (3998) Bad night (587)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work

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  (630): Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work http://tfl.nu/uouq
  Replies (16) Good night (931) Bad night (3882)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date

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  (937): Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date http://tfl.nu/jct3
  Replies (44) Good night (6244) Bad night (1157)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?

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  (443): Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help? http://tfl.nu/kek4
  Replies (8) Good night (1205) Bad night (2880)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.

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  (814): i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit. http://tfl.nu/riqs
  Replies (72) Good night (4573) Bad night (952)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.

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  (651): We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots. http://tfl.nu/8ot5
  Replies (3) Good night (1996) Bad night (1142)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."

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  (204): All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday." http://tfl.nu/uy4c
  Replies (5) Good night (1065) Bad night (1334)
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  (408): View more from California

  dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out

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  (408): dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out http://tfl.nu/y59w
  Replies (4) Good night (537) Bad night (1323)
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  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.

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  (787): I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth. http://tfl.nu/to4d
  Replies (5) Good night (866) Bad night (1057)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I'm pregnant.

  (1-407): View more from Florida

  The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???

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  (407): I'm pregnant. (1-407): The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number??? http://tfl.nu/ivb7
  Replies (17) Good night (1642) Bad night (2297)
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  (212): View more from New York

  She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.

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  (212): She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess. http://tfl.nu/ade3
  Replies (10) Good night (1359) Bad night (776)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.

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  (412): He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night. http://tfl.nu/cf48
  Replies (5) Good night (1319) Bad night (358)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Are we in any of the areas with tornados?

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.

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  (520): Are we in any of the areas with tornados? (931): Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes. http://tfl.nu/dq1c
  Replies (2) Good night (877) Bad night (293)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?

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  (828): Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner? http://tfl.nu/gvms
  Replies (6) Good night (702) Bad night (378)

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