did you get engaged???
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
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went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
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What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down