Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
