Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
