can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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