Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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