I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
