If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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