Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
This house was built for laser tag.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
