"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
