how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
