just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
