he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
