its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
