It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Floor bacon is actually really good
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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