would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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