I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
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this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
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Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
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