i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
