Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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