singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
