go do what you do best...puke behind churches
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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