yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
