are you still at the devil's house?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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