bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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