just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
