can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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