we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
