I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
