pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
