what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
