normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
