We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
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And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
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Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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