The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
