I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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