Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
