Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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