he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
