I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
