Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
