So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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