Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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