Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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