my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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