If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
