why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
