theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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