I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
