I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
it's not cheating when I paid for it
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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