you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
