if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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