Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
