I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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