How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
