I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
