He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
