Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
