How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
