Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
