would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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