Do you still have your period?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
