I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
this is an emotional support booty call
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
