I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
