my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I am available for nakedness
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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