my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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