WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
