Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
50% drunk capacity currently
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
