Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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