Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
