this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
