I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
