I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
