after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
