please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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