she woke up with a sticky ear
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
