Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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