I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
